It began, as all great invasions do, with a flash of light in the sky. At 3:02 a.m. UTC, hundreds of massive alien vessels emerged from hyperspace over Earth’s major cities. Governments scrambled defense systems, civilians panicked, and the world braced for annihilation.

But instead of fire raining down from the heavens, humanity received… teddy bears.

The First Wave

The extraterrestrial fleet, later identified as the Urgloth Dominion, unleashed their “devastating payload” of what looked like plush toys. The bears parachuted gently through the stratosphere, some squeaking adorably when they landed.

“I was expecting a laser beam, not a cuddle,” said Sergeant Tomás Alvarez, who was stationed outside Madrid when the first wave hit. “One bounced off my helmet and said ‘I love you!’ in a squeaky voice. I’m not sure if I should be traumatized or comforted.”

Weapons of Mass Affection

Intelligence reports suggest the Urgloth misunderstood human warfare. Their translations of Earth culture apparently came from late 20th-century toy commercials, which they believed depicted our deadliest armaments. Believing teddy bears to be the pinnacle of psychological warfare, they mass-produced billions.

Instead, children across the globe swarmed the “weapons,” hugging them tightly. Black markets were flooded with “authentic alien plushies,” selling out in minutes. Economists predict the toys may stabilize the global supply chain crisis.

Tactical Collapse

Attempts to intimidate governments failed spectacularly. During the aliens’ first communication broadcast, their leader, Grand Strategist Glogthar, threatened global surrender while standing next to a giant pink bear that occasionally said, “Nap time!”

The United Nations laughed so hard that the broadcast had to be replayed three times before translators could continue.

By Day 3 of the invasion, alien morale crumbled. Several Urgloth defected, citing “an overwhelming need to cuddle.” Their mothership was last seen departing Earth’s orbit with banners reading:

“We will return… with scarier toys.”

Aftermath and Lessons Learned

Historians already call it The Great Plush Invasion of 2025. Military analysts agree Earth was never in any real danger.

“Unless someone choked on a button eye, this was the safest invasion in history,” remarked Dr. Karen Li, professor of Xenopsychology.

World leaders issued a joint statement thanking the aliens for their “unexpected contribution to childhood happiness.” Meanwhile, toy companies are bracing for lawsuits over copyright infringement by the Urgloth Dominion.

As for humanity, we have learned an important lesson: sometimes the most terrifying enemies… just need a hug.